I just wanted to talk briefly about how much physical pain can take it's toll on your mental health - at least for me, anyway.
I have been dealing with chronic and consistent pain for about a month straight (not for the first time, but definitely the worst). Apparently I have a herniated disc, a couple bulging discs, and arthritis in my neck and it seems to have pinched a nerve. This nerve is sending shooting, burning pain up my neck and down my left arm. I have been to the hospital and my primary care physician in the hopes of relief, to no avail. I was (slowly) given a referral to a neurosurgeon and a pain management specialist, but nothing in the healthcare world moves quickly, so whilst waiting for the referral itself, making the appointment, and waiting for said appointment, here I am a month later, still in pain. The only relief I get is to lay flat on my back, motionless. So yes, it is definitely affecting my daily life, not to mention work. I come home crying after work sometimes because the pain is so intense and constant. Nothing anyone has done has helped and there is no relief on the immediate horizon. Last time I had this pain, it wasn't as intense or long-lasting, but I had to get steroid injections directly in to my spine for relief. I'm bracing myself for that again, and potentially worse, but at this point I'll try anything.
Which brings me to the point of this post. The affect of all of this pain on my mental health. Luckily it hasn't triggered a downer (yet), but I am definitely finding myself extremely irritable and feeling rather hopeless. Now that I sit down and try to type out how I feel, I find it hard to describe. The closest thing I can think of is that it my mind feels like an exposed nerve - raw, like a sensitive tooth or something - and every tiny little thing causes it to flair up and fly off the handle.
You should know by now that I HATE the word "crazy," but I can't find a better word to describe how I feel. My cup is full because of the pain, and it overflows very easily. This leads to a mental and emotional instability. I'm just... maxed out. Can't take any more. Here's hoping I can find relief VERY soon... (and don't even get me started on the absurdity of the American healthcare system...) 👻
Comments
Post a Comment